The Twilight Zone: Mocking Potter
by FrankieBGoode
Summary: PG-13 for suicidal thoughts... Basically Harry's world becomes The Twilight Zone duh Duh DUH! Please R&R!
1. The Twilight Zone: Mocking Potter

Author's Note: Ha-ha. Okay. This is a mockery, a parody whatever. Its humor don't be offended. I came up with most of this by myself but I had some assistance from Teeg, Draco Stalker. I enjoyed writing it I hope you enjoy reading it. Please read and review! ~Frankie~  
  
The Twilight Zone: Mocking Potter.  
  
Harry Potter woke up on the last day before the end of his fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry; he dressed and headed down to the common room. Ron was waiting with a blonde haired boy that Harry mistook for Colin Creevey for a moment before he realized that is was none other then Draco Malfoy. Harry blinked, rubbed his eyes behind his glasses and looked again. Malfoy was still sitting there smiling and carrying on grandly with Ron about Quidditch. "What's going on?" Harry asked loudly.  
  
Ron and Draco jumped at Harry's loud voice and then stood and looked at him. "Harry, geez, it took you long enough to get up this morning. Remember we wanted to head into Hogsmeade before break," Draco said in a kind tone full to bursting with patience.  
  
"Uh, right. Where's Hermione?" Harry asked and a pink tinge appeared on Draco's cheeks that Harry really didn't want to ask about.  
  
"You know it takes her forever in mornings to get ready Harry. She should be down soon," Ron said with a slight chuckled that sounded as if he thought Harry had lost his mind.  
  
Suddenly there was a noise coming from the girls' dormitory stairs and this light seemed to descend before Harry's eyes. It took him almost a whole minute to realize that it was Hermione. She was literally beaming; a wide smile glittering on her face that reminded Harry distinctly of Glideroy Lockhart. Her eyes, which Harry thought had been brown the last time he'd seen her were now a deep sparkling blue that made Harry feel like he'd do anything for her, including jump into a volcano or something else completely unlike Harry. Harry's stomach also started churning like the lava he was considering diving into. Hermione's usually frizzy, bushy brown hair was presently perfectly curled and shining; the light reflecting off the curls. She was also wearing makeup, not too much, just enough to be noticed. "Hermione, are you wearing makeup?" Harry managed to choke out of his considerably tightened throat as he glanced at Ron and Draco who didn't look at all astonished as Harry; though the pink tinge was back on Draco's face, confusing Harry even more.  
  
"Of course not Harry, I woke up like this. You're acting so strange," Hermione said in a light, airy, wispy voice and giggled so it sounded like Christmas bells tinkling.  
  
"Er, right. How about we go to breakfast?" Harry asked still astounded by the Malfoy thing and the Hermione thing. She was acting so strange, then again, everyone was and he just wanted to eat and prayed that everyone would return to normal soon.  
  
"Alright," Ron said and they headed for the portrait hole.  
  
As they were walking through the hallways a bunch of Hufflepuffs came running toward them. "Is Neville coming?" asked a breathless blonde fourth year brushing by Harry in a rather rude manner which he didn't understand.  
  
"I think he already headed to breakfast, he mentioned something about helping Professor Sprout," Draco said cheerfully. (A/N: Yes I know it's hard to imagine Malfoy cheerful, in a good way.)  
  
"Thanks Draco," the fourth year and her friends squealed and rushed back the way they came.  
  
Harry shook his head and muttered, "Everyone is acting so strange," it was giving the confounded boy a migraine.  
  
"That always happens Harry, you should know that by now," Hermione said in her airy tone as she flashed him a look with her startling blue eyes.  
  
"Er, right," Harry said again for the millionth time since he'd woken up that morning.  
  
Draco shook his head at Harry and murmured to Hermione," May I hold your hand?" He was acting the perfect gentleman as that pink tinge again appeared on his cheeks and Harry began to slowly understand.  
  
"Absolutely Draco," Hermione practically purred taking his hand in hers and they continued down the hallway into the Great Hall.  
  
Harry felt a jittery feeling occupying his stomach the moment he's heard Hermione accept Draco's proposal. He passed off as misplaced anger, not realizing it was in fact, jealousy.  
  
As they entered the Great Hall, Harry noticed that Hagrid was seated in the Headmaster's chair, while Dumbledore sat off to one side a rather disturbed look on his face. He took one look at Hermione and screamed, "AHH! She's a Mary-Sue!" This outburst caused the students gathered to boo loudly and throw food. Dumbledore screeched in frustration and ran from the room shouting about Mary-Sue's taking over the world. Off to the other side of Hagrid, McGonagall and Snape were making lovey-dovey eyes at each other.  
  
Harry was greatly disturbed and wanted, for the first time in his life, to runaway from Hogwarts. He sat down next to Ron and wondered how the bloody hell they arranged this practical joke and how they got everyone to participate willingly.  
  
There was the typical morning noise near the ceiling announcing the arrival of the mail. Hermione and Harry both got letters. Harry wondered who his was from as the Barn owl in front of him seemed familiar in the back of his mind but he didn't know how. There was a disgruntled yet attractive screech from the direction of Hermione as she started protesting profusely the contents of her letter saying, "I cannot believe him!! Dumbledore gave me detention for scaring him!" She waved the detention notice in their faces and Harry recognized the loopy signature of Professor Albus Dumbledore. Suddenly her attitude changed and she asked in her airy voice, "What did you get Harry?" she gestured to his unopened letter in front of him.  
  
The way that Hermione had said his name had caused his jeans to become uncomfortably restricted and he shifted in his seat as he said, "I don't know" and reached for the roll of parchment. He opened it and found the contents honestly astonishing, more astonishing then anything that had happened so far that day.  
  
Harry dear, I'm looking forward to your return home tomorrow. Your brother and sisters miss you terribly as do your father and I. We will wait for you impatiently at King's Cross tomorrow. See you then my baby.  
  
Love always,  
  
Your Mother, Lily  
  
P.S. Sirius is waiting for you to come home so you can practice Quidditch with him and hopefully have a chance on the team next year.  
  
"But they're dead," Harry muttered as he reached for his forehead where his scar sat. or had sat. There was no scar there as he touched his forehead and rubbed it.  
  
"Who's dead Harry?" Draco asked a confused look on his face.  
  
Harry was pissed now. "Okay, whatever practical joke you guys are playing just knock it off. This isn't funny anymore," Harry shouted, grabbed the letter and ran out of the Great Hall. No one was acting normal, he hand no idea what was going on. He rushed to the 2nd floor corridor and for some reason into the girls' bathroom. "Myrtle?" Harry called out and the ghost appeared from her usual stall.  
  
"Who are you?" her watery voice asked as confused look on her face.  
  
"Harry Potter, don't you know who I am?" Harry asked in a desperate voice as the look on Myrtle's face just became increasingly confused.  
  
"One of the students I imagine, but I don't know you. I never leave the bathroom if I can help it and boys aren't supposed to be here, this is the girl's room," Myrtle said squeakily.  
  
"It isn't a practical joke is it?" Harry asked, more of himself then Myrtle.  
  
"I wouldn't know. No one ever comes in here so I wouldn't know about any practical jokes except the ones Olive Hornby pulled on me before I died," Myrtle moaned and dove into her toilet with a great splash.  
  
Harry sighed and left the bathroom. "Harry! Wait up!" Harry heard Neville's voice from behind him. Harry stopped and waited. Neville caught up and Harry noticed something strange on his forehead. There was a lightening shaped scar adorning Neville's forehead. "Harry what's wrong?" Neville asked kindly and Harry noticed that Neville was also thinner and more handsome then usual.  
  
Harry chose not to mention anything and said, "Nothing Neville, don't worry about it." Harry turned and left Neville's presence and Harry headed back toward Gryffindor tower. As he was walking he heard another person calling his name. Harry turned to see Snape, smiling, a horrifying thing all its own, and walking towards him.  
  
"Harry, you're a hard one to find. I was going to ask if you've heard from your mother lately," Snape said and Harry was shocked to find that Snape was blushing, in embarrassment.  
  
"Uh, no," Harry said and walked away, he was entirely sick of this and was going to go back to Gryffindor Tower and find a way to get rid of his problems. As Harry entered the common room the most disgusting, at least to his mind, sight he'd ever seen appeared before him. Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger embraced in a 'passionate' kiss. "Oh get a room," Harry said and turned right back around leaving them in a shocked, embarrassed and rather awkward situation.  
  
Harry made his way down to the entrance hall and saw the grades posted from the O.W.L.'s. On the top of the list were Gregory Goyle and Vincent Crabbe; at the bottom was Hermione Granger. Harry screamed in exasperation and headed out to the lake preparing to drown himself. He was about 5 feet from the lake and his absolution when he heard Ron's voice shout out, "I love you Cho Chang! Will you marry me?" This was followed by an outraged cry, a slap and a voice Harry never thought he would hear again, except maybe in his recurring nightmares about Voldemort and the Triwizard Tournament. Cedric Diggory could be heard saying, "Weasley, leave Cho alone," Followed quickly be Cho screeching for joy and Ron's pathetic crying.  
  
"Can't I kill myself in peace?" Harry shouted and began heading back into the castle. He over heard a couple of excited 3rd years talking about, "Voldemort's Televangelist show on muggle television." Harry moaned and returned to Gryffindor Tower to tie his sheets together and jump out the window, or at least that was his plan. He walked in and found Hermione sitting on one of the couches, her eyes shinning with tears though she looked perfectly cheerful and beautiful none the less. Hermione looked up and smiled stunningly in his direction.  
  
"Harry, I'm sorry," Hermione whispered airily and stood up crossing over to him.  
  
"For what? Are you the one who started his bloody practical joke Hermione?" Harry asked completely astonished that she would have anything to do with it.  
  
"It's not a practical joke. I just wanted to know how you felt for me. I was trying to make you jealous," Hermione sighed shaking out her beautiful and perfect glossy brown curls.  
  
"You confuse me more and more Hermione," Harry said and sighed.  
  
"You know, Draco and me kissing," Hermione said and approached Harry placing a warm smooth hand on his cheek.  
  
Harry felt a tingling sensation in his stomach and felt an overwhelming reason to confess. "I'm in love with you Hermione," Harry heard his own voice choke out and before he knew it he was kissing Hermione in the same way Draco had.  
  
Harry shot up in bed, sweat slicking his forehead, his breathing heavy and uneven. He grabbed his glasses off the bedside table and raced out of the boy's dormitory and over to the girls. "Hermione, quick, tell me what is two times two?" Harry asked shaking Hermione awake feeling flannel covering her shoulders.  
  
Hermione rolled over and looked up at her scared, sweating friend. "Nine, Harry, it's nine," she said and watched as Harry's eyes widened in horror. "Just kidding Harry. This is the fourth time this week, go back to sleep. We go home in the morning," she said and in all her sleepy, bushy haired glory, rolled over and went back to sleep.  
  
Harry went to the common room and watched the ashes of the fire in the grate. He eventually passed out to a dreamless sleep curled up in one of the couches only to be awakened by Ron in the morning.  
  
"You have that dream again Harry?" Ron asked when Harry was awake enough to understand him.  
  
"Yeah, you don't have any inclinations to find Cho Chang and confess your love to her do you?" Harry asked rubbing the sleep from his eyes.  
  
Ron laughed a comfortable, humor filled, normal Ron laugh and he said, "Nope, have someone else in mind for that. C'mon, let's get you in to the shower before breakfast."  
  
Harry climbed the stairs to the boy's dorm and showered quickly. He finished packing his trunk and headed down to breakfast with Ron and Hermione. On the way into the Great Hall Harry spotted Malfoy. He still wasn't completely convinced that his dream was just a dream. "Malfoy, can I have a word?" Harry called out before the boy could enter the hall.  
  
"What do you want Potter?" Malfoy drawled, turning to look at the three Gryffindors.  
  
"What house are you in?" Harry asked quietly.  
  
"Potter, have you lost your mind or did Weasley's wand malfunction and blow away your memory?" Malfoy laughed coldly and Crabbe and Goyle laughed stupidly along with him.  
  
"Just humor me," Harry stated in an annoyed voice.  
  
"Slytherin, Potter, I'm in Slytherin," Malfoy said in a disgusted tone before beginning to turn away.  
  
"And you don't have any inclinations towards kissing Hermione?" Harry asked and received a smack over the head from Hermione before Malfoy turned back to them.  
  
"Okay, you've lost your bloody mind Potter. Why don't you quit while you're ahead," Malfoy said looking so angry that there was a pink tinge on his cheeks.  
  
"Just tell me you don't and life can go back to normal Malfoy," Harry said in an exasperated voice.  
  
Malfoy's eyes flashed angrily at being told what to do by Harry. "All right Potter, you want to know, I'd considered it before I remembered she is a filthy mudblood," Malfoy said in a mocking tone watching Hermione's face go pale and drawn and Ron begin to reach for his wand. "What? You plan to be retching slugs again Weasel," Malfoy drawled coldly and turned his back on them, walking between Crabbe and Goyle into the Hall.  
  
As soon as Malfoy was gone Hermione rounded on Harry. "What on earth are you on Harry? Why did you ask Malfoy those stupid questions?" Hermione practically screeched at him.  
  
"My dumb dream, in it I walk in on the two of you, you know," Harry said and shuddered at the visual memory.  
  
Hermione looked horrified, "And what did you do?" she asked fisting her hands on her hips.  
  
"Told you two to get a room before I went to drown myself in the lake," Harry muttered under his breath and headed into the hall where Hermione wouldn't cause a scene.  
  
"You were going to drown yourself?" Ron asked astonished.  
  
"Yeah, then you ruined it," Harry said and began wondering if anyone would care if he really did drown himself. Harry scanned the teachers table and spotted McGonagall and Snape staring daggers at each other as usual, Hagrid was sitting in his normal seat and Dumbledore was back in his normal seat as well, and his blue eyes were again twinkling in a friendly manner. Snape suddenly glanced at Harry and Harry felt that familiar tinge of pain that came the first time Snape had looked at him in first year. Everything was beginning to convince Harry that things were back to normal. Harry just needed to ask Dumbledore a couple questions.  
  
Harry was considering just going up and talking to the man but Harry suddenly felt a presence over his left shoulder. Harry turned and saw bright blue eyes and shinning silver beard. "Harry, can I speak with you a moment?" Dumbledore asked with a smile. Harry nodded and stood walking out of the hall beside Dumbledore as the man led him to an empty classroom near the kitchens. "What there something you wanted to ask Harry?" Dumbledore asked Harry who had been unusually quiet.  
  
Harry decided to just come out with it and asked, "Do you know what a Mary- Sue is sir?"  
  
Harry watched Dumbledore's face alter drastically and Harry recognized his dream "Professor" and also realized that the only other time he'd seen Dumbledore so annoyed or angry was in his 3rd year.  
  
Dumbledore controlled the boiling rage he felt as the mere mention of Mary- Sues and asked, "Do you know where Dementor's came from Harry?" Harry shook his head and Dumbledore explained. "Dementors are Mary-Sues who have become so vain and self involved that the ugliness inside them corrupts their physical form as well. They become soulless, soul hungry despair causing fiends and suck all the things that they once treasured before they were corrupted out of the people around them. Mary-Sues are Dementors," Dumbledore said as he watched Harry's eyes widen in disbelief. "It's true Harry. Is there anything else you wanted to know?" he asked.  
  
"Uh, Professor Snape wasn't, er, in love with my mother was he?" Harry asked looking a little green as the thought.  
  
Dumbledore smiled all thoughts of Mary-Sues gone before he said, "I couldn't tell you Harry. They were in the same year and had civil conversations over the years but whether Severus Snape loved your mother Harry, only he would know." Harry nodded and figured if Snape had loved his mother is would have given Snape ample cause to hate his father even more then some stupid prank that Sirius Black had cooked up to get Snape scared. "If there is nothing else Harry, I think you should head out to the carriages for the journey to Hogsmeade to catch the train," Dumbledore stated smiling at the teenager.  
  
"Right. See you in a few months Professor," Harry said and rushed out of the classroom joining Ron, Hermione and Neville in a carriage. Harry stared at Neville in the dim light and the boy shifted uncomfortably.  
  
"Is something wrong Harry?" Neville asked and the light shifted showing that Neville's head was as scar less as Ron's.  
  
"Nothing is wrong Neville. Everything is great," Harry said and smiled a ghost of his old self returning for a moment.  
  
"Alright," Neville said quietly waiting for the carriage to come to a stop.  
  
The four Gryffindors climbed out of the carriage and boarded the train. The ride back to London was uneventful. They got off the train and crossed back into Muggle London with their trunks and Harry looked for the Dursleys. Uncle Vernon was waiting with his sour disposition and Harry said goodbye to Ron and Hermione for the summer.  
  
"C'mon, let's go," Vernon said in a sour voice eyeing Harry's friends with immense dislike. They got into the car and returned to Number 4 Privet Drive. When they got there Harry carried his trunk and Hedwig's cage into the house and up to his bedroom.  
  
He wandered back down the stairs and saw Dudley watching TV. "What are you watching Dudley?" Harry asked and heard a grunt from Petunia noting her dislike for asking questions.  
  
"This new show. It's really interesting Harry. The man who runs it is named Tom Riddle," Dudley said and Harry watched in horror as Voldemort's sickly face appeared in the television screen.  
  
"AHHHHHHHH!" Harry let out a blood curdling scream and fainted on Petunia's living room rug.  
  
Author's Note: Ha, ha. Harry fainting. I think it's funny. Hope you like the story. Sorry if you read the previous version of this there were bunches of mistakes in here. I corrected them. but if you spot anymore let me know. Please read and review and let me know what you think!! ~Frankie~ 


	2. Authors Note & Thanks You's

Author's note: Hi. Yeah, I know about the big blocks of text. I was trying to fix it after I posted it but the stupid page started acting up on me and I got annoyed and said I would fix it today. So it is fixed. Though, thanks to Siria Black for giving me probably the longest review ever that wasn't from a friend. I hope you all enjoyed my little fic. Yeah, Teeg, I know you should have beta read but I was bored last night and wanted to just get it out. Sorry for any mistakes I usually can get them out because I am my own beta reader. I read the damn thing like 5 times before I post it. Thank you for reading!! If you have an ideas that might make it better let me know in the review! ~Frankie~ 


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